I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
