honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
