"it" just moved
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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