If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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