Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Come on in and take your pants off
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