idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
