I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
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This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
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They took my balls.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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