He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
