great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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