you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
