If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
