I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
