girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
