best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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