Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
