clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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