Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
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I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
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It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I did not marry a roomba.
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