im holly from the hills drunk
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
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Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
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The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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