saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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