I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
