Im at strip club and am horny
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
