just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
