I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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