So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
