Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
