you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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