So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
