It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
