the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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