So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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