This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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