she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
