you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
