You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
