My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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