i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
