Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
