I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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