D3 body, D1 cock
I wanna bring you to show and tell
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
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