You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
