This dress was meant to end up on your floor
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
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