I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
