Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
