I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
