why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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