I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
