I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
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