He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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