I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
