maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
