I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
