My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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