Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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