This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
