I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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