Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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