Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
