did you get engaged???
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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