I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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