Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
