Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
