just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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