Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
