Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize