He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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