You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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