we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
