i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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