So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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