god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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