i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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