well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
