why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
