so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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