I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
