Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
