why im i the only drunk person in the library?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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