I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
how does that bad decision feel?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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