SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Still dying that you shit outside
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
